Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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