i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
