I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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