Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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