I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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