Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
