I have demons in me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize