He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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