Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
