Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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