how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
