i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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