You can't motorboat a personality
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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