Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
