That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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