just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
