as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize