I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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