Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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