Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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