I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
