My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
