i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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