i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
