I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
