Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
