It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's shark week go big or go home
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
