I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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