I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
