I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
