All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
