A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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