So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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