Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
