loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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