How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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