I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
