I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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