and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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