My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
