I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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