If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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