When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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