My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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