Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
