4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
