So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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