I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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