What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
