Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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