quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
