eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
