I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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