Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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