Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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