I seem to have left my pride at pride
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
