God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
