I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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