the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
