Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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