You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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